With preschools starting all across the country, many parents are preparing to send their children off to school for the first time. The BOZ Buzz recently spoke with educational expert Dr. Mary Manz Simon about what parents and preschoolers might expect.
Q: Do you think this is emotionally harder on the parent or the child?
A: Starting preschool can be a growing experience, but it doesn't need to be hard for either a parent or a child. Of course, there can be difficult moments and times of concern, but advance preparation eases the transition for both parent and child. And that's what we're talking about — a transition from one season of life to another.
A parent and child will go through many seasons together. The first day of preschool is one step on the lengthy growing-up continuum. A parent might feel, "My baby is growing up and away from me." Similar emotions might surface when a child enters kindergarten, puts on the first "real" baseball uniform, and years from now, leaves home as a college freshman. Because we invest so much of ourselves in our children, we might feel sadness, joy, relief, apprehension, pride and a host of other emotions at the beginning of each new life stage. Expressing a variety of feelings is natural, because a benchmark for a child is also a marker for us as parents.
Fear of the unknown underlies many of the concerns that emerge during transitions. Before a child enters preschool, many teachers make home visits or host a classroom open house to reduce anxieties for children and their families. Young children are concrete thinkers. That's the reason walking into the classroom, feeling the fur on the preschool pet, trying on a chef's hat in the dramatic play corner, or scooping water in the water table can eliminate even unspoken concerns. Make every effort to visit the classroom with your child and meet the caregivers prior to the first day. This physical preparation will reduce concerns for both you and your child.
Early childhood educators know that some preschoolers find it easier to walk into the room on the first day if they are holding hands. That's the reason many programs host informal "play days" on the playground before opening day. When you and your child participate in such activities, you'll both recognize familiar faces when preschool begins. If these "meet and greets" aren't offered, ask your teacher about scheduling a play date at a local park.
During the days before preschool, casually refer to activities your child might do at preschool. Avoid having "preschool prep" dominate your conversations. Simply insert comments as they occur naturally. For example, "Did you remember to close the Play-Doh? I wonder what colors you'll have at preschool." Or, "I know you like that story. Perhaps you can take that book to preschool sharing time."
Q: Emotionally, what does a preschooler experience when he or she goes to preschool for the first time?
A: A child's initial response is influenced by his personality and previous experiences. If a child has attended Sunday school or participated in a library story time, he knows what it's like to sit on the floor with 15 other children. A child without group experience might be overwhelmed or unsure of how to act and what to do. It might take this child a bit longer to feel comfortable in the space.
Children also respond differently in unfamiliar situations. While some preschoolers exude social confidence, other equally bright and personable children are more hesitant when seeing a room filled with new faces.
But regardless of how a child responds to preschool, encourage your child to share his feelings. Even the most verbal child might not want to talk immediately after class. Give him time and space to mentally process his experience before he's ready to share his feelings. Have paper and crayons available for him to draw a picture of preschool for grandma. Then ask him to dictate what you should write on the bottom of the picture. Using this simple technique of creating an "illustrated journal" page is a non-threatening way to encourage your child to share his experience.
Q: What about parents' emotions?
A: You might feel happy and proud your child has made this step forward. You might feel a little sad that your child is growing up so quickly. You might feel lonely, missing that friendly little shadow that follows you around. Those are natural emotions, so be honest with yourself.
If you have carefully selected this preschool and are confident that this is a good place for your child, relax and enjoy the experience of being a preschool parent.
Q: Is a child's experience different when he or she is returning to preschool (for a second or third year) rather than beginning preschool?
A: Returning to the same place, even if they enter a new classroom with a different teacher, is a different experience. Many of the unknowns, that might have triggered concerns at the beginning of the first year, are now gone. Some of the excitement may be missing too.
Of course, if a child hasn't "fit in" or had negative experiences, those will also influence his approach to the new school year.
But most of all, both you and your child are at different points than you were twelve months ago. That can influence your approach, emotions, and experience as you begin another year.
Q: What can parents expect from a good preschool?
A: Preschool offers an enriched year of life for your child.
Your child should have a wide range of experiences that will trigger social, emotional, physical and cognitive development. A Christian program will add a spiritual component to support your child's faith-walk.
Any developmentally appropriate program will feature learning through play. That means you can expect your child to have lots of opportunities to paint at the easel, build tall block towers, put together puzzles, walk a balance beam, measure beans, and weigh vegetables. Your child should be mentally and physically active, because that's how young children learn.
Q: There seems to be more pressure around getting into the "right" preschool these days. Is this healthy?
A: The "right" preschool is the one that matches your child's needs. This implies that the neighbor's child might attend a different "right" preschool. Choose what is best for your child, not what works for the carpool schedule or buys social positioning for you or your child. Avoid programs that brag about workbooks and flash cards. Your preschooler will learn more about a mouse by petting his fur, tickling his whiskers, and hearing him say "eek, eek" than clicking a computer mouse.
Q: Along similar lines, what do you think about the trend to emphasize academics in preschool?
A: One of the most disturbing aspects of today's competitive parenting trend is the pressure placed on preschoolers. Current thinking from blogs and playgroups is, "It's not enough to give your child a head start; you have to give your child a smart start."
We can easily understand how this thinking has emerged. Raising children in a materialistic world, we assume that more is better. And with the accelerated pace of change in the 21st century, we also assume that fast is best. However, neither of these assumptions should be applied to how and what young children learn.
The best way to ensure your child stays ahead of the curve is to provide developmentally appropriate activities. This means you surround your child with language — ask him to tell you five things about the bird in the tree. Sing songs while you clean the house. Look for different road signs in the car and read lots and lots of books together. Help your child build a healthy body — that means you offer a variety of fruits and vegetables multiple times a day, you run races together, get preventative medical and dental care, and model wellness. Invite children to play with your child. Support his efforts to make a friend, be a friend, and keep a friend. Help him learn to share a toy. Model forgiveness and compassion, and when he copies your action, applaud him for doing the right thing. Cheer your child's attempts as well as his successes. Encourage your child to describe how he feels and name the emotions. Share the love of God everyday and remind your child, "I love you and so does Jesus."
And when you do these things, your preschooler will not only have a head start, but a smart start.
Q: If you had one last piece of advice for parents whose children are beginning preschool this year, what would it be?
A: Enjoy your child and the new experiences that preschool offers both of you.
Mary Manz Simon, a mom who had three preschoolers under the age of four, holds a doctorate in education from St. Louis University. After teaching at the college level for 11 years, she returned to early childhood and opened two preschool programs for her public school district, because, "I missed the honesty of four year olds." Four year olds are still some of her favorite people.
